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You can also Sign upor Reset your password. One of the most sleepless nights I have ever spent as a parent was the night in when my then year-old son announced he was gay. Earlier that evening we had been out at a gig in Camden, with a couple of my oldest friends. It turned out that — out of my earshot — my boy had asked one of them what my reaction might be to him coming out.

One of the most sleepless...

We take pride in our broadmindedness. We also have several gay friends, including a gay male couple with two young adopted boys. Okay, between loud sobs, I did attempt to get the right words out: I even came out with the classic line: All to little avail.

His look of surprise changed to disappointment and slowly grew into despair. How fucking wrong was he?

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But I was desolate. I am delighted to say that the results were completely illuminating and extraordinary helpful. A clear vindication of the web as a force for the common good.

It turns out that all parents have the same reaction: In 21st century Britain, being gay is hardly a drawback. Today, shame, secret lives and sordid adventures in public lavatories are typically the sole preserve of politicians, clergy and — probably — premiership soccer players.

No, we grieve for the destruction of our own parental fantasies. The little snatched dreams we have always used to entertain ourselves since our kids were tiny babies.

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But these are all artificial constructs of our own making. They actually mean very little.

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But it really hurts when they evaporate, suddenly and violently. Once I understood this, I came to my senses.

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My son was still the boy I loved: No difference at all. When I talked to my wife two days later, I was relieved and relaxed.

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Her immediate reaction was much calmer than mine, although it took her a little longer to adjust. A committed indie-music fan, he was less than amused and I was forced to retrieve the CD from the bin. My son is in a great relationship. As a couple they look like brothers.

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Both bearded, a tad overweight, but great friends, they share an enthusiasm for cooking, movies, beer and holidays in the sun. They also show no interest of any kind in aerobics, soft furnishings, floral displays or light opera. Girls not invited it would seem and much to their probable relief.

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Nor will the sleepless nights. If, in the scheme of things, their opinions are of little real importance, they might tell you something about these people and possibly their shortcomings that you ought to know.


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